


Roots of the Forest

by Rain Seaker (m00se)



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Brainwashing, Conditioning, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Interrogation, ROOT/Ne - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-19
Updated: 2015-05-27
Packaged: 2018-03-31 08:27:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 14,926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3970981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/m00se/pseuds/Rain%20Seaker
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I'm nobody... nothing to cry about. Danzo-sama won't miss me when I'm gone, but she... she deserves better than this... better than me.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Interrogation

“I’m nobody.” A whimper escapes me as the senbon is pushed between the webbing of my left hand index finger and thumb. It shouldn’t mean anything, I shouldn’t feel it. Danzo-sama taught us…

Danzo-sama…

A cry leaves my lips as it is pushed deeper. He thinks I’m lying, but I’m not. I don’t say anything but truth, Danzo-sama taught us better than that. Lies in truth, truth in lies. I would never disobey…

Except… for her…

“Who are you?” The man asking is scarred, silver closed cuts and rough old burn marks, a patchwork skin. I can appreciate the talent that went into them, the pain inflicted gave him no obvious detriments and he seems to have learned from his treatment. Pain is just another lesson, a tool on others, a nuisance, yet not as easy to ignore as it should be. A lesson I thought I had learned well. Another shiver wracked by body. Danzo-sama taught us better than that, but…

“I’m nothing.” I am the shadow at night, I am the water of the raging river, I am the breeze through the trees and the roots of the forest. I am nothing except what I am told to be.

I am a failure.

The hospital gown say nothing different, a bloody spot where the bandages soaked through. Not enough drugs to dull the pain, just enough to make me a little loopy. I’m not bleeding enough to do any good, to do what I am supposed to do. A tooth is missing from the back of my mouth, it’s been missing for a long time, but it feels empty without the capsule there. Nothing’s that easy.

Another senbon is pushed through the webbing of my pinky and ring fingers, soon my left hand will be just as pinned as my right hand. The man is good, there is only small dips of blood around the holes… so much pain… yet, easily fixable by a med-nin. The senbon are coated with something, I can’t figure out what… the drugs make me loopy… but it burns more than it should.

Amaya would know… Amaya… she always knew. She was much better with senbon than me.

The door swings open, the heavy metal door I walked in through… the one I am sure I won’t exit alive. There is an imposing figure on the other side, one I know of very well. I was on his guard duty once, looking for cracks where enemies could get in… where I could get in.

“Hokage-sama.” The scarred man stands to attention, back to me. I couldn’t attack if I wanted to, my hands are pinned, but still he should know better. I would teach him, if I had the energy, same as we were taught… never turn your back on an enemy.

My foot scoots over the line of the seal painted to the floor, another mistake, Danzo-sama’s seals were always carved on interrogation floors. I knew this one well, I had helped carve it once, but Amaya’s were always better. A classical death seal if you were to attempt to escape.  Easy enough to modify if I could reach…

“No.” I startled back, looking up at the two men. Hokage-sama held the scarred man’s wrist preventing it from striking me. Apparently I wasn’t as stealthy as I hoped… hard to be with the drugs.

Hokage-sama was bright, serious, but so colorful. I wanted to pet his hair, I wondered if it would be like petting the sun, yellow and warm, hiding amongst the blue skies of his eyes. Maybe it would burn, if I were lucky…

“You have pretty eyes.” The words slipped from me, too late to pull them back, once they are gone they are gone forever.

The scarred man looked like he wanted to slap me again, I wanted that too pain would be a welcome distraction. Maybe I could convince Hokage-sama to allow it, but it didn’t look like he wanted to. A frown tugged at the corners of my lips.

“Ibiki, no.” Hokage-sama’s voice was like the soft breeze on a hot day, it was such a pretty day too. I could sit and listen forever. Maybe that’s why I failed, couldn’t stand the heat… that wasn’t why I failed… I had a reason didn’t I?

“She knows something.” Ibiki, the scarred man, a good name for him. I wonder what it would be like to have a name that fit so well.

“She’s an eight year old girl.” Am I? How curious, I’ve never been an eight year old before, I wonder what it’s like?

Is that like a child? Don’t children like to stick out their tongues at things? I never understood why, maybe I would understand if I did it? I opened my mouth and displayed my tongue, nope, still didn’t understand.

Hokage-sama seemed to still at the action, maybe he knew what it meant… maybe I could ask?

“Can you please do that again?” Hokage-sama release Ibiki’s hand, but took his chair. He was so close now, if only I could move. Maybe if I followed through on one of his orders Danzo-sama would take me back, and this was the biggest one. I still had a little energy left, maybe I could if he came a little closer.

I stuck out my tongue again, he seemed to understand better than me. Not hard, I wasn’t the smart one that was Amaya. She deserved to win, not me. Only one could get through, could get a name, should be her… was her. His hand hovered over my pinned left one. Sympathy, Danzo-sama always said that was the Hokage’s downfall. I could use that, my eyes were watered anyway, the tremble of pain, all real. He was supposed to like children, right?

His hand gently pulled the two senbon from my hand, I cried out a little, but it meant nothing, I could do this. The pain was not enough to stop me, the injury not debilitating, I could… for Danzo… Amaya liked senbon too…

My left hand shot forward, only need one good strike to crush the windpipe, a spark of chakra, killing is as easy as breathing.

I cried out again, my head snapping back from the force of Ibiki’s blow, hand pinned down again, five senbon to replace the two lost, a matching set to my right hand. Hokage-sama looked shocked, sad blue eyes opened wide. It made me ache to look at, I’m not sure what part though… the stab wound was the closest must be that. An ANBU held a kunai to my throat, the whole room had reacted faster than I. Not good enough… never good enough.

“Inoichi?” Hokage-sama asked facing the door and ignoring me again. It was for the best, there was nothing here for him to see.

The man in the doorway also had yellow hair, less bright, but still so much more than… long hair was tied behind his head in a long ponytail. Danzo-sama would never have allowed that, too much hair got in the way, was a pulling hazard, better bald than long hair.

The man slipped closer to the Hokage, serious eyes scanned my useless body until they found my eyes. Piercing, striking eyes stabbing where they shouldn’t get to reach. They seemed to be looking for something, I doubt they could find it, there’s nothing for them to find. A hand touched my head, so warm and large. Overwhelming and warm, it felt like a blanket fell on just my head, I shivered and tried not to nuzzle it.

Its’ absence was felt as he moved to look at the Hokage, I let out a breath I didn’t remember holding.

“She’s too young, the damage would be irreparable.” Inoichi shook his head. I didn’t really understand what was stopping them. Yamanaka’s skills were needed if they wanted to get anything from me, the seal made sure of that, and I wasn’t anything anyway. No one would miss me… except maybe Amaya, but she had already said goodbye.

“Minato” Another man stood in the doorway, spiky brown hair and two distinct scars marked his face as the jonin commander, second in line. Danzo-sama would be ashamed of my failure, a waste of such a good opportunity, the two so close and the seal on the floor would have been perfect.

“Shikaku?” The Hokage looked more worn than I could remember seeing him, he shouldn’t look like that. My chest ached a little more, I don’t know why.

The jonin commander approached slowly, hands in pockets, perfectly calm. _Deceptive_. Amaya’s voice whispered in my head. I wouldn’t be fooled by his tricks.

“ROOT assignation?” The stern voice shocked me, a shiver down my spine, you couldn’t refuse to answer that voice, Danzo’s voice.

“SD34.” The gasped words were pulled from me. I looked around the round, what little I could see without moving my head, but he wasn’t there. Danzo-sama would never come for someone like me, I was nothing.

“Last assignment?” That voice, uncompromising, I couldn’t refuse… but, I couldn’t speak. The words caught in my throat, stuck there by unmoving tongue.

“Fine. Your failure is known.” The words cut like a knife, words that I know are true, that I can’t escape. I am a failure.

The ANBU pulls my head up by the hair, tugging roughly, forcing me to look into the Hokage’s eyes. They’re so bright, blue like the sky… the sky… the sky I miss so much when I go back to Danzo-sama… but I couldn’t go back again… failure. I was so happy when Amaya laid me outside at my last. It was more than I deserved for being a failure, but the blue of the sky and the white of the clouds were the best last sight that any of ROOT could hope for. She deserved to live… far more than I.

“You have pretty eyes… but not as pretty as Amaya’s.” My head pounded, my chest ached, my fingers burned with unknown poison, but she deserved so much more. “She has pretty red eyes, they swirl in anger, little shuriken attacking when you look at her.”

The Hokage’s eyes widened, maybe he could hear me, maybe he understood, like he understood the tongue thing that I couldn’t.

“The Uchiha.” The soft breeze, was replaced by the harsh one pulling trees up. A tornado in disguise as the Hokage.

“You think he’s planning to attack them?” Ibiki’s surprised question startles me, I had forgotten there were others here.

“I think she’s giving us a hint. As much as she can, which I hate to say isn’t much.” Inoichi sounds as nice as he looks, Amaya would like him.

“Why would she do that?” Ibiki asks suspiciously, I don’t blame him. I don’t trust me either, no one should.

“She has no reason to remain loyal to Danzo, he attempted to kill her.” No that’s no right, I shake my head. It wasn’t Danzo-sama. It was my duty to the village and I failed, it was my failure not his. No, not failure… success… Amaya’s success.

“She tried to kill you not two minutes ago.” Ibiki stated, the voice of reason. I would do it again, if I had the power. Danzo-sama needs me to… wants me to… I don’t want to…

“I have no doubt you would do the same in her position.” Inoichi is so nice, my ache lessens… maybe it isn’t the stab wound.

“Regardless of the validity of the source, even if it is a trap it still needs to be investigated.” The scars on Nara’s face stretch with his frown. He nods at someone. The kunai is finally pulled from my throat, the hand clutching my hair lets go. I would droop if I could, but the shadows have me snared. I envy the darkness that attaches to my shadow, to be one with the shadows is an accomplishment I will never reach.

“Agreed.” The Hokage nods sharply. “We need to know more, it sounds like Danzo has overstepped his bounds once and for all. Stealing an Uchiha girl will make him no friends with the council.”

Amaya… I hope… no… hope is as useless an emotion as the rest of them.

The Hokage stands from the chair, ready to exit the room, and I… I need to… a hand is arching down, Shikaku will only be moderately nicer than Ibiki, the hand is headed to a nerve center. I wonder where I will end up next, a cell or a hospital bed, or maybe… maybe I’ll get lucky and not wake up. Maybe I will end up where I should have after my fight with Amaya, and this last sight won’t be as nice as my first, the trees and sky and clouds flash in my mind, calling me back to rest, but first I have to tell them… have to hope… Amaya deserves so much better than me… better than Danzo-sama… there is no one better than Danzo-sama, what am I…

“Itachi…” The name escapes my throat, but I don’t remember why it is important, maybe it’s not.

The hand snaps against my neck… I hope I don’t wake up. The shocked faces of the room will have to be enough. My eyes close and all I can think about is the soft breeze through the trees and the clouds and the blue, blue sky… and Amaya’s eyes, her pretty, pretty eyes swirling and crying… it didn’t hurt me, except I didn’t want to hurt her either… she deserves far better than me…

I am nobody… nothing to cry about.


	2. Hospital

The bed was too soft. The sheets were too stiff. I had never been in a hospital bed before… I can’t say that I liked it.

I didn’t open my eyes, there was no need, Danzo-sama had taught us to sense our surroundings before giving away anything. They bed I was lying on was the only one in the room, a couple of chairs were placed around. There was a window… possible escape route… except I wasn’t alone.

My eyes shot open in surprise, finding the shadow in the corner of the room that as darker than it should be… we were taught better than that. I choked on air, my dry throat finally making itself known as I desperately tried to speak. I was so tired, everything was numb and bland, but I needed… I needed her.

My hand lifted from the bed, shaking and weak, reaching, grasping… hoping… Amaya…

The shadow disappeared when a loud beeping noise started going off. I had no doubt it was due to my movement. My hand fell back to the bed, I no longer had the willpower to lift it.

Only a minute passed when the door opened letting in a med-nin, brown hair tied behind her head in a bun, glasses almost falling off the tip of her nose. She rushed forward prodding me with gentle fingers and a sweep of diagnostic jutsu.

I didn’t try to speak, I learned that lesson the first time. The med-nin bustled around, poking and tugging on bandages, pushing up her glasses multiple times. She looked focused, maybe that’s why she was so surprised when she met my open eyes for the first time.

“Oh my.” Her hand flew to her chest, a motion of shock. I cataloged it for future use, to display shock place a hand over one’s chest. “Are you awake?” Maybe she had a lot of unconscious people that kept their eyes open, I gave a small nod, about the only bit of motion I felt up to trying, and then closed my eyes when the room swirled in response. It didn’t help. She placed a hand on my head in response. I wasn’t sure what she was checking for, but it was so warm and soft, small callouses to indicate working hands, I didn’t try to swipe it off not that I would have been able to. “I’ll go get someone to help explain, but first…”

She tilted open my mouth and grabbed a cup of ice from nearby to place some on my tongue. My tongue… did it always feel this strange? Something was different about it. I allowed the ice to melt, it was very doubtful that she would try to poison me now before I was questioned again. I allowed the weight of sleep to pull down my eyelids when she exited the room.

The hospital was large, and busy from what I could feel of the moving chakra signatures. Konoha General Hospital must have been where they took me. I couldn’t move, there were obviously alarms attached to me somehow. Maybe I could detach them somehow, but _then what_?

The question pounded through my head, drowning out all others. I could no longer be what I was… Amaya… she didn’t need me anymore. She… she must have come to say goodbye and I… I betrayed her. Her and Danzo-sama… I… I should have died… why didn’t I just die?

Amaya should have just… she shouldn’t have tried to be kind… I didn’t deserve it then and I deserve much worse now.

My hand twitched, itching for a blade. I could end it now, make it easy for them… for her… she wouldn’t have to see her failure anymore. My hand stilled, stopped. The blackness was calling me back, begging to swallow me whole, but… but…

My eyes opened to find the window. They would never have put a prisoner in a room with a window, even if I couldn’t move. I would be watched by ANBU instead of occasionally checked on by an overworked med-nin. It was bright outside, blue sky and white clouds, there were some trees dotting the hospital courtyard that I could see from my position on the bed.

I forced my eyes back to the white tiled ceiling, I didn’t merit the sky.

I’m not sure how long I sat there looking at the ceiling, I doubt it was more than thirty minutes before the door opened again. The same med-nin, this time followed by a worn down looking Hokage and another harried med-nin.

“Sir, you really shouldn’t come here, someone else can handle this.” The harried med-nin had shoulder length black hair with a band that pushed her bangs out of her eyes.

“Thank You, Shizune-san, but I have done the same for all the others, I will not treat her any different. You don’t need to worry, she can’t do any harm as she is.” I wanted to nod, to reassure her somehow, I was already too much of a failure to attempt any more harm, Danzo-sama would have killed me himself if he knew… I hoped he found me soon.

I couldn’t tell what it was, but Hokage-sama looked duller than the last time I saw him. His eyes were darker and his hair less bright, like the sun shielded by a dark cloud. I didn’t like it.

Shizune took one last look at the Hokage and shook her head. She glared at me once before leaving the room. I fixed my gaze back on the ceiling… the shadows were different now from before. I doubt that his ANBU guard liked the Hokage being here either.

“SD34.” The breeze was soft, gentle, coaxing my gaze to him. The Hokage rubbed his hand over his eyes and rested his elbows on his knees, staring me in the eyes. “Danzo is dead.”

The world seemed to stop for a second. I couldn’t tell you what happened in the few seconds that followed his declaration.

I felt like my anchors had been cut, free and heavy at once. Like I could go anywhere except I couldn’t move… what was I supposed to do now?

Useless, completely useless… there was no point to a tool that belonged to no one… to a tool that betrayed its owner. I had dishonored myself and Danzo-sama…

I came back to myself when a warm hand wiped my cheek. I couldn’t tell you why they were wet, but I… I didn’t want the hand to leave. I closed my eyes and leaned into the hand what little I could. Maybe he would be kind, put me out of my misery.

“Please…” My voice croaked and cracked, unused and sore and dry. I would beg… I would beg if that’s what he required… I would do anything as long as he would grant my wish. “Please… kill me…”

The hand on my cheek stilled.

His other hand hand rested on my right cheek turning my head gently to look at Hokage-sama. His eyes were darker than I had ever seen them, a storm on the horizon.

“No.” His voice was still, the calm before the storm. “I am your Hokage. You belong to Konoha and I will not allow such a waste of resources from my corps. Do you understand?” No, I didn’t understand. I was no resource, I was a virus, a parasite… a tool that couldn’t follow orders right… who didn’t even die properly. “I don’t give you permission to die.” An order, simple and concise, easy to follow… yet... the worst I have ever received.

“Yes, Hokage-sama.” Maybe… maybe I could do better for him than for Danzo-sama… maybe he would find a use for me... maybe if I were good enough he would grant me my reward. Danzo-sama thought I was good enough to graduate, but I wasn’t as good as Amaya, she would be of greater use than me.

“SD34. Do you remember your name?” The breeze was back, and the storm receded from his eyes. His hands left my cheeks, one staying to lay on hand head. When I had been guarding him I had once noticed him doing the same to his son to get him to go to sleep. I had cataloged it as a gesture of comfort… I increased the effectiveness rating I had previously assigned to it.

“I am nobody.” The words were a familiar comfort, a mantra I knew well. Hokage-sama didn’t seem as comforted by the words as I was.

“I understand. I will call you by your assignation until you get a new one then.” I nodded, I was to be assigned a new title, understandable to remove any connection to Danzo-sama, a clean slate for my new station. He was kind to grant me a mask to veil my former failure, but I would not forget. “Danzo was captured in a joint mission between ANBU and the Uchiha corps. We were able to find his remaining outposts with help from Inoichi. Your fellow ROOT agents have all been checked by the hospital and reassigned. You are the last remaining. There were a few complications with your injuries after you gave us that warning.” His hand petted my hair and I wanted to fall asleep just like I had seen his son do all those months ago. “Thank you for that by the way. It prevented a great tragedy and a great loss to the village. There are many who owe their lives to you.”

I didn’t understand, not really. I failed Danzo-sama… there were no rewards for disobedience. Hokage-sama seemed to understand my confusion, he nodded at me. “The seal paralyzed you before we could attempt to wake you, which was very dangerous in combination with the stab you had received earlier that hadn’t healed fully. It was decided to place you in a healing coma until it was safe enough to wake you. The seal that was placed on your tongue is gone now it disappeared from all of you once he died.” He paused and took a breath. “You have been out for two months.” I nodded, I would have to train harder to get back to top shape then.

“Understood, Hokage-sama.” He eyes were brighter than they had been at the start of the meeting... maybe it was something I did?

“You will have to stay in bed for the next few days while the medics make sure you aren’t going to collapse again. After that you will be assigned a handler, he’ll look after you. Make sure you follow his orders like you would my own.” I nodded again in understanding, Danzo-sama had given us handlers before for missions. I would never disobey and order again.

We sat in silence for a few minutes. Why did he sit with me, hand still petting my hand? I didn’t question him, it wasn’t my place.

“SD34, you knew Amaya-chan didn’t you?” I tried not react to the name of the one person I trusted. I wouldn’t betray her trust, not any more than I already had. I had… I said her name in interrogation that must be why he knew it. I couldn’t lie to him… couldn’t fail so soon, but I couldn’t… she didn’t want anything to do with me… of course she didn’t, I was a traitor. “She is with her family now, the Uchiha’s have accepted her as one of their own. I believe she is living with the head’s family, you might know their older son Itachi.”

Of course I knew them. There were ROOT agents watching the Uchiha compound at all times, Amaya and I were on the patrol several times. She… she would be fine there. Itachi was one of the strongest in the village, nothing would happen to her there… unless he was the one to cause it, but… no… Hokage-sama said they worked with the village to take down Danzo-sama. She would be fine… she would be with family… far better family than me. I would miss her warmth though, it was always easier to sleep when she was nearby. The rooms were very cold and empty when you were alone. She had a better protector now though… and I didn’t deserve her anyway.

I’m not sure when I noticed the wetness reappear on my face, probably when the Hokage’s hand wiped them it again. Danzo-sama would have never stood for that weakness, there was no point to being emotional. I focused on the warm hand still rubbing my head and accepted the comforting of darkness of slumber.

I was dozing when the hand finally left my head. There was a soft click of the door opening that caused me to open my eyes slightly. Just wide enough to catch the sight of Inoichi resting a hand on the Hokage’s slumped shoulder before the dark claimed me for good.


	3. Handler

“No.” Nara stated in a calm and decided tone, but it still sounded a bit like whining to me. His shoulders were slouched and his hands were in his pockets. Danzo-sama would have never such a disrespectful stance and my fingers twitched begging me to throw something at him. I had been given a standard genin uniform, black pants and shirt, but no weapons yet. It make me naked and uncomfortable, but I knew better than to ask… I would receive rewards when I earned them.

My hands rested behind my back, my feet shoulder width apart and stable ready to move quickly if required. I had knelt when I came into the room but the Hokage requested I stand for the debriefing… Danzo-sama would have never allowed us to stand in his presence while giving a report.

“I am not making a request.” Hokage-sama’s shoulders were square, staring straight at his jonin commander. Somehow even sitting down he was the largest man in the room. The first thing taught to new ROOT agents was how to hide your chakra, but I was learned how to do the opposite.

I had never been in the Hokage’s office before. Danzo-sama had allowed us to visit the academy though, encouraged it, he said we would need to know what it looked like in case we were acting as Konoha-nin for a mission.

The room was large and circular, there were bookshelves covering the walls that didn’t have windows. I noticed four misshapen shadows when I hand entered and at least twelve good hiding spots. I approved of the ANBU commander’s choices.

“Maa, this is too troublesome.” Nara’s hand scratched the back of his head. He hadn’t looked in my direction once since he entered the room. My handler wanted nothing to do with me… it was fine… I would endeavor not to bother him with my presence more than required. “There is no one else who could take her?”

Hokage-sama rubbed his eyes with one hand, I could see his exhaustion in his slow movements. “Shikaku, you know we have no one else to spare. Every jonin that isn’t already on a mission or has a genin team has become a handler until we sort this out. That man had 147 kids stuffed into the nooks and crannies of this village, almost all of them at genin level or higher. One kid, one jonin, you were the first to agree when Inoichi suggested the process.” His eyes flickered for a second to look at me before focusing back on the slouching man. “Everyone that the village can afford to spend some time on break, even some that we can’t. Kakashi, the Sarutobi clan, several of the Uchiha clan, the Hyugas, Yamanaka’s have all of the older teenagers, every clan has contributed jonin as handlers for our reclaimed shinobi including the Nara. You didn’t think that I would just happen to forget you exist?”

Nara shrugged with a bemused look on his face, I cataloged the look. “I was hoping. I’m not the best choice for the position.”

“None of us are, but we all have to deal with the hand we have been dealt. It’s just unfortunate that Danzo is dead, I would gladly use him as target practice if it would allow everyone to use him as stress relief instead of me.” His grin reminded me of the sun’s rays peeking through the leaves. “Just think of her as an ANBU guard, warranted with your new position.”

“That would be more believable if I hadn’t taken over as jonin commander more than a year ago.” Shikaku grinned back at the man. I felt distinctly uncomfortable with the familiarity. I knew that the two men had been friends before Namikaze-sama had become Hokage, but I still felt the urge to flinch every time Nara joked or complained at an order. Were all Konoha-nin this lax about proper protocol when in the presence of superiors? I grimaced at the thought. I don’t think I would be able to fake it correctly even with a full catalog of gestures.

“Well, there was just an assassination attempt, my new found paranoia needs to make sure the village’s leadership is properly protected.”

Shikaku huffed, I tried not to stare, but I didn’t know what to catalog it as. “I don’t think that works when she was the one that made the attempt.” Scoff: to speak to someone or about something in a scornfully derisive or mocking way.

I tried to remember more about the action, in ROOT they would have proper explanations of gestures before they would show them and it was hard to muddle through the motions without the proper definitions. How do the rest of them figure it out?

“Toublesome.” Nara and Hokage-sama turned to me at the same time and I had to stop myself from jumping at the synchronized motion. “What is your assignation?”

The question took me by surprise, but I settled my nerves. I straightened my shoulders and faced forward again. I fought the urge to bow my head in deference. “SD34, sir.”

“Maa, that’s the seduction division isn’t it?” Nara-sama’s voice was tired, I must have missed it while staring at them, never focus too much on one sense that you forget your others. I resisted the urge to punish myself for inattention, I would find time to do it later. The Hokage didn’t have time to waste watching my corrections and as… Danzo-sama wasn’t around to do them anymore I would have to do them myself.

“Yes, sir.” There was a pause of silence for a few seconds. It was easier to stare out the window than look at either of them. It was cloudy today, the humidity of the approaching storm coated the village. It would have been a bad day for guard duty, ROOT uniforms soaked water easily.

“Were you trained for anything else?” Hokage-sama’s voice was lower than normal… anger… an emotion I had experience with… easily understood and maneuvered around.

“Yes, Hokage-sama, all ROOT agents are given basic training in all disciplines before being assigned to a division. I was on guard duty in the village while not on missions.” Silence filled the room once again. There were many things they could have asked. Who was I guarding in the village? How many mission have I gone on? Were any in my division?

_Sentimentality_ the vicious word shot through me like a knife, I was glad I was looking at the windows… eyes were the windows to the soul… best keep them away from those that would use yours against you.

“There will be no use for your division skills in the village, do not attempt to use them on a Konoha-nin without approval from me. Understood?” Orders… I could understand orders. I nodded, I would never use any seduction techniques in the village without approval. I heard a small sigh, I couldn’t see which of the two men released it, but I had a feeling it was Nara. “Alright, that’s all I have the time for, hopefully Naruto hasn’t destroyed anything irreplaceable today. Dismissed.”

I gave a small bow and exited the room in a flash of body flicker jutsu. I waited by the door for Nara-sama, my standing orders were to follow Nara-sama and follow his instructions as I they were the Hokages… failure wasn’t an option. Nara exited after a few more minutes. What did they have to talk about without me there? The little spark of curiosity that their conversation caused was squashed without prejudice.

Nara didn’t say another word as he slouched away. I followed him a step behind, matching pace easily and making sure to observe our surroundings. The Hokage tower was full of long hallways with small offices and nooks. I made sure to memorize the path that Nara took through numerous false walls and dusty passageways, but I was still surprised when we exited behind the bookshelf in the jonin commander’s office.

I wouldn’t have expected it, but the room was small, cozy, and decidedly clean. There was only one stack of papers on the desk that I saw. It was organized… I didn’t expect that from the perpetually slouched figure.

As Nara settled behind the desk I settled into one of the rooms corners. It was comfortable, relaxing to disappear into the shadows. There was no need to attempt conversation or answer questions… I was nobody here.

I couched slowly into a familiar position, best for long hours of stillness, of alertness… I calmed… there were no windows here… no sun or clouds or breeze… no pretty eyes… no distractions… just me and the mission.

“I have a son about your age, did you know that?” The voice startled me out of my calm, but Nara didn’t say anything else. He was still glaring at his paperwork when he said it. Was he talking to me? Must have been.

“Yes.” He didn’t look up. Did… did he want me to continue? Danzo-sama would have asked for a full report… maybe my new handler was the same? “Nara Shikamaru, heir of the Nara clan, best friends with Akimichi Choji, genius level intelligence, and perfect average test scores in the Academy. Just good enough to be ignored.” It was the duty of all ROOT agents to know notable civilians and shinobi in the village… and their weaknesses. His son was Shikaku’s weakness.

“Maa, you know it’s a little creepy when you do that right?” Nara-sama looked up from his paperwork to stare at me for the first time. I filed the comment, I would try a different method to answer him next time he asked. “Though, it’s good that I don’t have to spend time to tell you about me. You probably already know all there is.” There was a strange tone in his voice that I couldn’t place, false somehow.

I nodded slowly unsure of a correct response. “Sir?”

“Never mind.” He turned back to his paperwork, but paused again after a moment. “He’s a year younger than you. Always sleeping through class and tricking people into playing shogi with him.”

“I… I don’t…”

“He wouldn’t have been able to stay in the same place for as long as you have unless he was asleep or watching clouds.” I… what is he looking for? Nara-sama shook his head. “Do you really want…” He sighed and scratched the back of his head. What I want…

“I want to be here, sir.” Because this is where I was ordered, this is what the Hokage wants me doing and I will do better this time than the last… _I_ will be better.

“Of course you do.” The strange tone was back, but… I couldn’t ask him what it meant… they didn’t do that here. “What do you know about me?”

Alright, time to try something different. “You are Nara Shikaku, jonin commander and second in command to Hokage-sama. You are the head of the Nara clan which is known for its shadow jutsus and medical research. You were on a team that was infamous for its intelligence gathering and are classed as an A ranked shinobi in the bingo books. You have one son, Shikamaru, and a wife, Yoshino. You like playing shogi and napping in your free time.” Slower and more descriptive. I could continue, but it was best to get to the point quickly. Danzo-sama never liked time wasters.

“Did you ever have an order to kill me?” The question took me by surprise… what was he looking for?

“If the Hokage were ever to die you were to be delayed or compromised so you would not be fit to take control of the village.” He didn’t ask how he was to be compromised, which I appreciated, because I didn’t want to tell him that even though I didn’t have a kill order for him I did have one for his son and wife.

“Would you like to be called something?” My eyes widened. I knew it was coming, Hokage-sama had told me that I would be reassigned, renamed. It was for the best, it would hide my failure, but… but I didn’t deserve it yet.

“I have not earned it.” They didn’t understand… maybe if I explained they would. Amaya had earned her name, she had been forged in fire and had forgone all emotions, she… she deserved the name. “I could not suppress my emotions…”

“If I am to introduce you to my family I can’t keep calling you SD34.” Nara-sama said with a soft smile, like he was laughing at something. I know that those outside ROOT have names given by their parents, but I have no parents… I have to earn my name. I shook my head. He gave a small nod. “Very well, if you can’t decide on one then I guess I will call you something in the meanwhile. Is that okay?”

Of course, he could call me whatever he wanted. I had been gifted names before… borrowed… for mission… I didn’t want to make him or his family uncomfortable. “Of course.” I stepped forward to kneel in front of his desk, head bowed. Even a mask name was serious, I would treat it with as much respect as it deserved.

“Shizu, because you are the quietest person I know.” Nara-sama placed his paperwork down. “Now then, Shizu, I think we have spent enough time working today, let’s go laze about.” He smiled as he stood.

Shizu… I had a name… and a new handler… and I didn’t feel worthy of either.


	4. Compound

I had never been inside the Nara compound, but I knew something about it… all ROOT agents were required to have memorized the layout of the village and that necessitated knowledge about the clan compounds. The Nara compound was the second largest in the village after the Uchiha compound, but for an entirely different reason.

The Uchiha compound had over 250 shinobi and civilians living in it, a tiny village inside the village. It had its own grocery stores and police station, multiple restaurants and a clan only training ground. The Nara compound had 54 members: 32 shinobi, 17 civilians, and 5 children under the age of majority, including Nara-sama’s son. It was an average sized clan, a few less people than the Akimichis and a few more than the Yamanakas, their two allies. The three clans had been allied for longer than Konoha had existed, their ties ran deep.

The reason the compound was large had nothing to do with the size of the clan, and everything to do with their herds and specialization. Like the Akimichi had their recipes and grocery stores, the Yamanakas had their gardens and flower stores, and the Naras had their dear and drug stores. Most of the clinics in the town and surrounding regions supplied Nara concoctions. I knew that their fields were mostly outside the village and there was standing guard contract with Konoha to protect them, but the real might of the Nara family was inside their clan compound.

Their compound held all their research and production buildings and a large forest carefully manicured for the dear it housed.

I knew all this and still when I actually entered the compound I paused in shock.

It was larger than I would have thought. I could barely see the outlines of some of the buildings tucked into the forest, their large forest. A puff of smoke exited the chimney of one of the larger buildings drawing my sight.

“Gorgeous isn’t it?” Nara-sama’s words jolted me from my distraction. Going from the bustling city outside to a tranquil forest was a surprise, but that didn’t excuse my inattention. I tried not to flinch… another thing to punish myself for later.

I gave a small nod and focused back on my handler, there would be plenty of time to scout the forest later.

“There will be some building you can’t enter, don’t push it, it’s usually for your own protection. If you have any questions…”I did flinch at that… my body rebelled at the thought… never question your superiors… never question orders… _never_ question. My lower back twisted with remembered pain… a wave of nausea made me swallow back some spit.

“ _Never_ , sir.” I cut him off… what was wrong with me… did I suddenly forget all the rules just because of my hospital stay. He… Nara didn’t even look in my direction or pause in his steps… maybe there were different rules outside… maybe we were already expected to know the rules. He didn’t have time to punish me for every mistake… he was the jonin commander… he had better things to do than correct one guard. I would have to make my own corrections and repentance… sooner rather than later.

“Here we are.” Nara-sama’s slouched stance had relaxed… I didn’t even notice until it happened. The appearance of indifference in the village was an act, he was actually tensed, but I never would have been able to tell unless I had seen him here…he was the jonin commander for a reason and that was far easier to forget than it should be.

Nara led us to the largest house in the clearing. The other houses were only a little smaller and I could see multiple herb and vegetable gardens. The shade of the tall trees filtered most of the light coming through the clearing. There looked to be a small pond behind the larger house. A grassed area and paths lead between all the houses in the clearing.

It was quiet, tranquil, it felt safe. No wonder so many Nara liked to take naps.

Nara-sama only gave a slight pause when he entered the clearing… he was waiting for me to analyze.

“Thank you, sir.” For giving me a second to memorize the surroundings. I would go out later to get a more thorough view, but I appreciated his kindness in allowing me a moment… if I had been better he wouldn’t have needed to.

“I was just taking a second before I had to go home and do chores. Yoshino…” He smiled at me… did he find something funny… or was it a cruel smile… was he remembering his wife? Emotions were complicated. “You’ll understand when you meet her. I think I’ve put it off long enough.” His slow pace was familiar now. He nodded to a few people wandering around the clearing… it was nearing twilight… about time for dinner and bed. The few other people he saw gave him smiles back and waves… saying goodnight… I catalogued the motion of familiarity.

Nara-sama took a deep breath when entering his house, so I did the same. I am not sure why he did it… all I smelled was cooked fish and rice.

“I’m home!” Nara-sama called out after he replaced his shoes with slippers. There were guest slippers, but I didn’t want to spend the time to double check them… you never put on garments you knew were unprotected… SD27 franticly pulling at a kimono sash, white faced…

“About time!” The feminine voice pulled him out of my memories. I placed my shoes carefully next to Nara-samas. It only took a spark of chakra to make my bare footsteps silent and not make a mark against the wooden floors. “Late today, thought jonin commander’s made their own hours?” Endearment… joking… the tone was strict, but somehow warm.

“Well I had a little excitement today. Minato-san assigned me a guard.” Nara-sama’s voice was warm as well. The feminine voice made an inquisitive tone. That was my cue… but… how did he want me to act? As my handler he expected competence, I knew how to treat him… but didn’t he… he didn’t want his family uncomfortable. I made people uncomfortable… but I had a mask now… easy enough to change… sweet… or pitiful… I could do either, many missions had required those skills.  “Where did she run off to? Shizu-chan?”

Chan… little girl… sweet and innocent. The smile spread across my face, wide bright and crooked. I don’t remember who I cataloged it from… a young face, splashed with blood from a gaping slit throat, pink ruffled skirts ripped and dirty… a dress would complete the costume, maybe I could ask Nara-sama to request some. I looked down at my black genin uniform, it would have to do.

I added a skip to my step as I walked into the kitchen, wide smile across my face, the bounce of an energetic child.

My first estimation of Yoshino was that her file was correct. Hair tied back with a few strands framing her face. Her stern look softened when she saw at me. I had cataloged the gesture before, affection, the way a mother looked at a child, like she wanted to protect it.

“Please take care of me.” I bowed sloppily, like I had seen someone else do it, but had never done it myself. I took the chance to take stock of the rest of the room. A young boy that looked startling similar to Shikaku sat with surprised look at the table, but it was fading into boredom quickly, Shikamaru.

A hand fell to my head, heavy.

I looked up to find Nara-sama, his eyes were harsh.

“There is no need for that here, Shizu. Behave as normal.” Normal… I thought… I thought wrong.

The smile fell from my lips, the slight bouncing disappeared. My hands rested behind my back. I nodded at Nara-sama.

Yoshino’s smile left her face, in its place was a small frown and worried eyes. I didn’t know what she worried over… maybe she knew of me?

“Is she?” Yoshino-sama asked the question to Nara-sama, whose hand still rested on my head.

“Yes, she is one of _his_ kids. She was in the hospital for a while recovering from a… mishap.” There was something I was missing, something unrecognizable in Nara-sama’s tone.

“I… I see.” Yoshino-sama seemed to shake something from her mind. Her face stiffened again and pointed to the table. “Well, enough of excitement for the day, it’s time to eat. Choza gave me one of his family recipes to try, so I better hear no complaints.” She walked away stiffly to gather the food containers.

I took a sit next to Nara-sama. Shikamaru had lost the bored look on his face, replaced by an inquisitive one staring at me. It reminded me of cataloging… I did my best to ignore it.

It was easy to sneak a piece of each of the dishes as they were put on the table. I doubted that Yoshino-san would poison her husband or child, but bad habits formed if you weren’t careful… Yoshino-sama looked a little disgruntled as she said welcomed the rest of the family to start eating.

The food was just rice and fish, but the spices brought out a flavor I had never tasted before. I knew the Akimichi family owned many restaurants and now I understood why.

After dinner was cleaned up by a disgruntled Nara-sama the family trudged upstairs. Yoshino-sama was the only one without a slump or tired eyes. She and Nara-sama opened one of the doors and gestured me inside.

“It’s just a guest bedroom, if there is anything else you require please don’t hesitate to ask.” Yoshino-sama pulled the sheets up on the bed to straighten them.

Nara-sama pulled a scroll out of his bag and passed it to me. “It just has some standard uniforms and other essentials. We can go shopping tomorrow to fill out your wardrobe.” He scratched the back of his head. “Goodnight, Shizu-chan.” He slouched out of the room without a backward glance.

Yoshino-sama just shook her head at him. “Men.” She crossed the room swiftly and before I knew it she had pressed both hands to my cheeks… I didn’t know what to do… they were warm and calloused… like Hokage-samas. Yoshino-sama bent over and pressed her lips to my forehead… a tight feeling clenched in my stomach… maybe the food was poisoned. It took me a few moments to come back to myself.

I blinked a few times… I must have missed Yoshino-sama walking out of the room.

It was kind of them to give me a room, but I doubt I would have much use for it. I opened the sealing scroll and pulled out a few sets of clothes, including a light cloth dress… I had seen them before, but never owned one… a night gown. I put the clothes into the drawers of the dresser underneath one of the windows, placing the gown carefully into the top drawer. Then I sat on the bed to begin my nightly routine.

I settled on the bed cross legged and allowed myself to sink into meditation.

The building was humming with chakra. I could feel the pull from the walls. Apparently the Nara head was protected by old seals. I would have to take a closer look at them to know if any were familiar to me, but no seal was perfect. My chakra sense isn’t perfect either though and didn’t stretch far, barely five foot extra around the house.

I allowed myself a few extra minutes to acclimate to the new building and chakra signatures.

It was harder to start moving after that, but I knew my duty. I was easy to get to the first floor without disturbing anyone. I grabbed my shoes and made my way out of the house.

I checked the perimeter first gathering a basis for comparisons. I then started in the clearing, I matched chakra signatures with houses. It was easy to fall into a familiar rhythm… almost the same as watching the Uchiha… except this time I was alone. I would make a patrol every two hours, a different path every time. It would have been easier if I was assigned a teammate, we could have swapped shifts… different people see different things… I would make do.

After another twenty minutes and I headed back to Nara-sama’s house. I slipped off my shoes again and headed upstairs. I settled outside Nara-sama’s door. I was the only person guarding Nara-sama, which meant I would have to use a one man guard sleep schedule. I could get by with as few as four hours of sleep spaced throughout the day… I knew that with certainty. I would have to grab a few minutes when he was at his office tomorrow, easily defendable with only one entrance door, as safe as it would get to catch a few minutes at a time.

I settled against the wall and stretched out my chakra sense again. It wouldn’t catch everything, but it had saved my life many times before.

I startled when I heard muffled voices coming from the room behind me… I shouldn’t listen, but… it was my duty to protect him… even from his own wife if need be. I made a hand seal and the words came in clear… extra-sensory jutsus were hard to hold for long, but I wouldn’t need to.

“…eight years old!” Yoshino’s voice was stiff and angry.

“We’re not actually sure of her age, we think eight or nine, but it could be older their memories are pretty spotty.” I heard Nara-sama give a sigh. “But regardless of her actual age she is still not a child, none of them are. It would be better to think of her as a small ANBU or Kakashi when he was that young.” There was silence… they were talking about me… I should stop listening… I should… “She’s older than me Yoshino, aged by experience and tragedy.” There was a muffled sound… was she crying?

I released my hand seal in shock...

I should never have intruded.

It was easy to fall back into stance, to ignore my panting breath and focus on the mission.

I’m not sure how long it took until there was quiet in the room, but I didn’t care. I stood attentive, stretching muscles to keep them from going numb, grabbing sleep whenever I felt I needed a few minutes. I did two more patrols and settled again against the wall. I only became alert when I felt another’s chakra move through the house.

Shikamaru’s chakra was sleepy and lazy. Part of it followed behind him and seemed to catch on random objects. I ignored him and fell back into the shadows, he wouldn’t recognize me here.

I’m sure who was more surprised when he exited the bathroom to head back to his room and his chakra caught mine. I knew what it was now… his shadow was catching on other shadows because he was tired… Danzo-sama would have loved to know this about the famous Nara jutsu.

“What are you doing here?” Shikamaru’s voice was scratchy and hoarse.

“Standing guard.” No need to lie to Nara-sama’s son.

“Weren’t you doing that during the day?” His eyes sparked. His lazy slouch was just as deceptive as his fathers, he noticed more than he let on.

I didn’t respond, he already knew the answer to his question.

“Troublesome.” He slouched away again without another word.


	5. Sleep

“Why did Hokage-sama only assign one guard?” Shikamaru’s drawled question caused me to stop eating, confused and curious… I wasn’t the only one. Nara-sama and Yoshino-sama glanced at each other, something unreadable in their eyes, then turned to their son as well.

 “Why do you ask?” Nara-sama placed his hands in a steeple in front of his face. I recognized the sharp look in his eyes, the same one I had seen in the Hokage’s room yesterday while he was receiving the orders. He was deliberating something. Shikamaru took another bite of food, like everything was normal. It took a second before I noticed it, but his eyes were the same… he was avoiding looking at his father, but the same look crossed both of their faces, sharp and piercing… Nara…

Yoshino-sama had gotten up an hour before either her son or husband. I had watched as she did morning stretches and kata’s before starting to cook breakfast. I admired her smooth and graceful movements, but they all seemed to disappear as the rest of the family filtered into the kitchen. She was separate from them, even now her eyes only held confusion and worry, not the deep contemplation of the other two.

“We learned about guard duty recently.” At the Academy… he was training to be a shinobi… of course they would discuss guard duty, they probably went over all mission types in some detail. Shikamaru took another bite of food, but stared at his father sluggishly the sleep still thick in his gaze. It was like they were having an unspoken conversation in glares… was this normal?

“Oh?” Yoshino placed a glass heavily down on the table. “So you _are_ awake in class? Then why are your grades so low?” She glared at her son and made a motion to grab him. I didn’t know what she was planning, but the dismayed look on Shikamaru’s face gave me a pretty good guess.

“Yoshino…” Nara-sama’s voice trailed off. Yoshino-sama looked surprised at her husband. She glanced between them a few times and huffed. What was going on? “Shizu-chan.” My head snapped to Nara-sama, the same calculating gaze he used on his son now turned to me… I felt like squirming… It was like Danzo-sama’s gaze… except harder somehow… and softer too. “Did you sleep last night?”

“Of course, sir.” I had slept about 2 hours in spurts, no longer than 15 minute stretches, minimal amount it an unknown area.

Shikamaru scoffed and looked at me disgruntledly. Nara-sama just gave me a small sad smile. Yoshino-sama looked worried as her gaze flickered between her husband and me. I… didn’t know what they were looking for.

“In your bedroom?” Nara-sama’s question took me by surprise… was this about my capabilities… were they worried about sleep deprivation? It could be deadly on guard missions… but I had taken proper precautions… I knew my own capacity.

“Sir, I can assure you I am still fit for duty. I have never failed a guard mission before.” A vision of blood splattered over a china vase… that didn’t count… the mission was to let the others in without it looking like the guards were at fault.

Nara-sama gave a small sigh. “If I ordered you to stand down on night shift would you obey?” My stomach twisted… Hokage-sama had given me a mission… my handler wanted me to fail it? Wasn’t he supposed to… I should trust him… Hokage-sama said to treat Nara-sama’s orders like his own, but… “I thought so.” Nara-sama’s gaze was undecipherable, what did he… “We will stop by Minato’s office before we go shopping, get clarification from him.” The tone of his voice was hard, decided. He picked up eating without another word.

Yoshino-sama looked just as shocked as me, but I suspected for a different reason. Shikamaru though… he just looked pleased… like he had won a game.

“Thank you for breakfast.” Nara-sama nodded to his wife who absentmindedly nodded back at him. It took me a second to remember that I was supposed to follow him out. I stood quickly and gave a bow to Yoshino.

“Thank you.” It only took a few moments to catch up to Nara-sama’s slouched form waiting on the front porch after I slipped on shoes. He was staring into the clearing, but I couldn’t figure out what he was looking at. There were a few people wandering around already getting ready for the day, I spotted an elderly woman working on her garden and a few flashes of the familiar body flicker chakra of shinobi leaving the compound.

“How much sleep did you get last night?” Nara-sama shot a sideward glance at me… was he looking for a number or for reassurance?

“Enough, Nara-sama.” I was feeling no adverse effects from my lack of sleep… it was perfectly normal to stay up multiple nights in a row when you were on missions for Danzo-sama… this was barely noticeable. Nara-sama sighed again and I had to force down a flinch… I had answered wrong somehow.

“Let’s go, we best stop by Minato first.” Nara-sama took off at a faster pace than yesterday. His permanent slouch seemed to have no effect on his ability to body flicker through the trees of the Nara compound. I followed a few steps behind, tree branch to tree branch, we only touched the ground when exiting the compound, Nara-sama gave a nod to the guard at the gate, and then we were back dancing across the rooftops of the village.

We had to pass through the market on the way to Hokage Tower. I had never been here during the early morning hours. The booths and shops were opening up, civilians and shinobi mixing together in a way you would only find in a hidden village. I saw a few other body flickers across the roof tops and more than a few people drop into the market square with a poof of smoke and leafs.

I focused on keeping pace with Nara-sama, but something… I stopped with foot lifted to take my next step… was that… I turned back to the market eyes scanning for something my chakra pointed out. It felt familiar, but would he really be here… no of course not. My gaze focused on the flower shop, it belonged to the Yamanaka family, that I knew. I could only see the back of the large form, a muscular back lifting an awning… what was he doing there?

“Shizu-chan?” Nara-sama… how could I forget my mission… I berated myself. Nara-sama was only one roof ahead, but I had no doubt he had come back to find me once I stopped. I jumped over to him and bowed.

“I’m sorry sir. I was distracted.”

Nara-sama glanced back at the market place, but he didn’t focus on anything… of course not… he would have no reason to know…

He nodded and then started forwards again, it took us only a few more minutes to reach Hokage Tower. My mind raced the whole rest of the way there… that boy would never be in the marketplace… he would have no reason to be there. Nara-sama slowed at the entrance, his slouched stance belying the speed he had used to get here. Was it a purposeful misdirection or a Nara quirk?

The secretary barely gave him a look when he walked straight into Hokage-sama’s office, but spent a long time looking me up and down before allowing me to follow… ANBU… I remembered from my time on Hokage duty, the secretary was always an ANBU plant.

I walked into a staring contest. Nara-sama and Hokage-sama were glaring at each other in a way not unlike the way Shikamaru had stared at his father… was this really normal? I cataloged the look… I didn’t know what it meant, but surely it was important if Hokage-sama was doing it as well.

“Back so soon?” Hokage-sama’s breeze had a sting to it, it made me want to flinch even if I wasn’t the one it was directed to. Danzo-sama had a similar tone sometimes… disappointment… disapproval… the agents didn’t often survive those meetings.

“Maa, my son pointed something out to me this morning… I figure if an Academy student can point out something wrong with your plan you would probably like to know it.” I turned to Nara-sama in shock. His tone was lazy, but it also had a sting to it too. What was with everyone this morning? Who would question their superior like that… no… he was jonin commander… it was his job to argue with the Hokage if he didn’t agree with something.

The Hokage shot a pointed look at Nara-sama. “Oh?”

Nara-sama smiled. “Did the policy change for guard duty?”

Hokage-sama slapped a piece of paper down on the table… frustration. “No. Get to the point Shikaku.”

“Then it is still the policy to have a minimum two person rotation for guard duty?” I recognized his tone of voice, the same one Shikamaru’s had head this morning… triumph.

A pained looked crossed Hokage-sama’s face. He rubbed his face with one hand. His shoulder’s slumped a little as he shook his head.

“I always forget something.” My chest ached… I desperately wished for another mission, one I could complete successfully… I had obviously screwed this one up somehow… I thought… Hokage-sama’s eyes snapped to me. I didn’t even feel my leg slip under me as I knelt at attention one knee touching the ground, my head bowed. “SD34…”

“Shizu” Nara-sama’s voice cut him off again… I didn’t flinch away from him… Hokage-sama would never throw something at his jonin commander… would never discipline him the way that Danzo-sama had.

“Of course,” Hokage-sama’s voice paused, softer than it was before. “Shizu-chan please stand to receive your orders.”

I remembered this from yesterday. My feet shoulder width apart, hands behind my back staring straight at the Hokage. “Yes, Hokage-sama.” He smiled at me, bright teeth, gentle mouth… a ray of sunshine.

“Your mission is only to guard Nara-sama during his working hours, and to and from the office. The compound is guarded by a separate patrol at night.” He muttered something that sounded a lot like ‘seals’, but I didn’t catch all of it.

“Hokage-sama, I didn’t feel any patrol in the compound last night.” Both men froze at my words, even Nara-sama turned to look at me.

“You are a chakra sensor?” Hokage-sama asked with a shocked tone, even Nara-sama looked irritated.

“Yes, sir.” I thought… “I thought you had my file?” Danzo-sama kept detailed records of all agents… if he was dead… they would have found them. Nara-sama and Hokage-sama shared a glance with each other.

Nara-sama answered. “Unfortunately, some of _his_ documents were destroyed in the fight to capture all of his posts. We thought we had all of yours, but apparently we were wrong.” Neither of the men looked very happy at the news. “How far is your range?”

“Only about the size of your house, sir, but I can catch familiar signatures at around 100 meters.” Hokage-sama blinked at the news and Nara-sama smiled, but his eyes were the same sharp contemplation I had seen this morning.

“The patrol is outside the compound. It surrounds the clan compounds, but rarely enters without clan permission. The Nara compound has its own protections.” Hokage-sama looked at Nara-sama as he said it. “You don’t need to be on guard duty during your stay there. Nara-sama will protect you as well.” I nodded in understanding… I had guarded shinobi before and they were the similar to the orders I received yesterday.

The night gown… maybe I would get to wear it.

“Well then, I’m taking Shizu-chan to the market today, need to pick up some clothes and tools…” Nara-sama was halfway out of the room before it realized he was leaving.

“I expect that report on my desk by tomorrow.” Hokage-sama just shouted with a tired tone. Nara-sama gave a small wave as he exited the room. “I swear that man does whatever he can to avoid work, why did he even take the damn job?” I hand was on the door to follow him when Hokage-sama stopped me. “Shizu-chan, thank you for looking after Shikaku, but don’t get too attached to this mission. Shikaku does many things for this village that are at the highest level of confidentiality, there are many times when you will not be able to guard him. During these times I will give you another mission or Shikaku will.”

“I understand, Hokage-sama. Thank you for letting me serve.” I bowed and opened the door, sparing one last glance to the still smiling man… he was nothing like Danzo… but still… I shivered all the same.


	6. Shopping

In a place that’s full of strangers everybody is someone else, someone else’s family or lover, someone else’s child, someone else’s problem. The market was one of the only places we were encouraged to go when training. It is perfect for cataloging people… for getting lost while completely surrounded… for learning to be invisible. Every sort of person could be found, families, civilians, genin to jonin, ANBU perched on corners of roofs in full view, the police roaming around making sure there were no pickpockets or children playing ninja stealing from others.

The smells overwhelmed the place, cooking food, fumes from the blacksmiths forge, wafting sent of flowers and fruits. My gaze flitted from side to side, absorbing what I could… a mother wiping melted ice cream from her child’s face… a jonin and a weapon merchant haggling over a set of kunai… a genin team restocking shelves while their sensei watched… the input was overwhelming the first few times I came here.

Danzo-sama taught us how to never forget once we saw something, but in markets it’s different. If you try to remember everything you will drown in pointless observations. Focus on one thing at a time and move on, I had gotten good at it.

Except… the tingle of familiar chakra lingered in the back of my mind… calling me to the flower shop… to the boy I once knew.

“Shizu-chan?” Nara-sama was only a few steps away, but he was scanning the crowd in confusion. He had probably lost track of me in the mess.

“Yes.” I tapped the back of his shoulder so he knew where I was in relation to him. He gave a start and turned to me with a smile.

“You would think that dour look on your face would make it easier to find you.” He scratched the back of his head and laughed.

It wouldn’t.

I was exactly average, I could have been any child in the market or none of them. Brown hair and brown eyes, average height and weight. Cute enough for an innocent, but non-descript enough to disappear into any crowd. It was why I was chosen.

A different flash of chakra drew my gaze, which caused Nara-sama to look as well. I knew that other ROOT agents were in the village. I heard Nara-sama and Hokage-sama talking about them… us… 147 of us. Everyone had to have a handler. So of course, there would be agents around. They would all have jobs as well… missions… or something. I knew this… yet… it still felt strange to feel them outside of the ROOT posts.

“Ah someone you know?” Nara-sama was looking at the same roof top I was. Two smaller figures crouched on the edge of a rooftop in ANBU gear.

“Knew… I knew him.” The smaller of the two… Kinoe… a favorite of Danzos and of Amaya’s. He was older than me, and stronger by far. The only one of Orochimarus experiments that survived. He had been kind to me… what little kindness any of us could spare for each other. The other’s chakra was familiar too, but more like I had felt it during a mission than knew from anywhere else.

“Do you want to talk to him?” Nara-sama would no doubt see the confusion on my face when I turned to look at him.

“He’s on duty.”

“He won’t always be.” Nara-sama shrugged, one of his distinctive contemplative. “Maa, Inoichi said something about socializing with people that have… had similar experiences.” He coughed a little. He was about to say something else then changed his mind… what was it?

“We haven’t… he didn’t fail Danzo-sama.” He had a name… was stronger than almost anyone else in ROOT… he went straight from there to ANBU. We were nothing alike.

“Well then,” Nara-sama placed a hand on my shoulder and directed me through the crowd… it was very warm. “First things first, let’s get you some more clothes.”

I looked down at my genin uniform puzzlement. “This is fine, sir. The clothes you have given me are enough for the duties specified by Hokage-sama.” More than enough really. The night gown… would be interesting to try.

Nara-sama nodded, like it was an answer he expected, but continued on regardless. “Those were merely some temporary clothes. They aren’t going to fit correctly, so it is better to get some tailored for you. You take care of your tools, uniforms are just the same.”

It made sense, but…

“Who will pay, sir?” Nara-sama smiled at the question.

“I am your handler, I take care of all mission fees. This is just one of them.” Nara-sama looked smug, like he had won a game. “Here we are. Noriko’s Fabrics.” The inside of the store was lined with clothing racks, most of the front section were standard sized Konoha Genin and Chunin Corps uniforms. There were a wide range of clothes behind, even civilian clothes and Kimonos lining the back. “Noriko-san!” Nara-sama gave a wave to the lady standing in the back.

Her hair was tied is a neat bun and she wore a simple, but elegant navy dress. Yamanaka Noriko had married Inoichi after she had reached chunin level, Danzo-sama had a file on her. She left active duty when she got pregnant with her only child, Ino. Her marriage to the clan head allowed her to start her own store, nearby to her clan’s flower store. She was well known for selling quality clothing, which could be tailored to specific needs including seals sewed into trims, none of it was cheap. Still, the Naras and the Yamanakas were old allies though it might have been an insult for Nara-sama to shop anywhere else.

“Shikaku.” Noriko-sama gave a polite smile and nod, but her eyes were cold. “Did the dear eat your vest again? You really shouldn’t nap with the herd. Or at least stop leaving treats for them in your pockets.”

Nara-sama coughed and looked away, “Maa, not today, though there are some that have been nibbled on they are still in one piece.” He patted my shoulder, bringing her attention to me. “This is Shizu-chan. She’s been in the hospital for a few months, needs a new wardrobe.”

Noriko’s eyes warmed when they fell upon me… she had a daughter my age, of course I would remind her of that. She asked no questions of why I was in the hospital or what I was doing with Nara-sama. Her gaze was piercing and professional, it fell on my clothes dissecting them. I distinctly glad for Nara-sama’s presence at my side.

“I see… just uniforms then? Or can I interest you in something nicer?” Her gaze fell on a nearby rack of brightly colored floral pattern dresses. I glanced, but looked away quickly… I had worn similar dresses on missions before… of lesser quality but still designed for one purpose, to catch the eye of a target...

Maybe I should get one… but Hokage-sama said I wasn’t to use those skills in the village… unnecessary until a change of mission parameters.

“Nothing like that Noriko, just looking for some basics, maybe something nice for special occasions.” Nara-sama’s voice had gone a little cold, I glanced up at him… he was glaring at the rack for some reason.

“Very well then.” Her business tone came back. She flowed through racks of clothing like it was a river, unlike Nara-sama or I who had to push our way through to follow her. The racks she led us to were smaller than the standard size uniforms, more of the type that I was currently wearing, but of a thicker material. “This is our special weave, lighter weight than normal, very breathable fabric, with a special component to make them tougher. It lasts longer than our competitors against wear and tear, except of course if you feed it to dear.” She didn’t even look Nara-sama’s way when she said it, but the embarrassed blush reached his face again. She looked at me once again, and I saw a small pained look cross her face. “However, the black can stand out a little too much, and it absorbs heat. Might I interest you in a different color?”

She turned to the rack on her other side, a similar style of clothes with the same fabric in different colors. All were larger than what would comfortably fit though.

“I…” My refusal didn’t even get past my lips before she continued on like she hadn’t finished speaking yet.

“The dark read is always a nice choice for intimidation factor on missions, or the dark blue my personal favorite would like very nice against your skin.” She held up the two choices with another polite smile. I… she wasn’t going to accept a refusal… I would go along then… wear the clothes Nara-sama had given me until I could find something better on my own.

A scrap of fabric caught my eye, a darker green color top with dark brown pants… it would be… it would be better camouflage in the Nara forest… I flinched from the image… Danzo-sama would never allow something like that for guard duty. Noriko-sama’s sigh caught me off-guard, she looked cold… steady… and disappointed.

“Maybe next time then.” She nodded and grabbed a few black uniforms off the first rack. “All we have to do is take some measurements. Follow me please.” She glided back to the fitting rooms in the back of the store.

I stared at her back in confusion then glanced at Nara-sama who was slouched against a nearby wall and unless I was mistaken he was asleep. I debated for a few seconds… I shouldn’t leave, but Noriko-sama was insistent… Nara-sama would be fine for a minute and he wanted me to do this… mission.

I followed her into one of the rooms, but kept track of Nara-sama’s chakra.

She placed the clothes on the side and motioned at the stand in the middle of the room. “Now just change clothes and I’ll place some pins. It will take an hour or two to sew after the pinning, so just come back after your shopping trip and pick them up.” I grabbed one of the uniforms from the pile and started to undress. “You don’t have to…” Noriko’s voice trailed off. I was scarred as much as any agent from training, missions, and fights. From my arms to my back there was evidence of my time in ROOT, but I had bent over to take off my shoes so I could guess which one she was staring at that caused her to go silent.

Everyone in the seduction division had the same scar, a neatly traced mark done with a sharp knife… Amaya had done mine and I hers. It was the marking of a sex slave from one of the largest black market trading houses… easy enough to use as cover or costume. It was easy to cover with makeup or genjutsu if a mission didn’t require, but… it had been useful… it worked as a return to owner symbol in a lot of places.

The clean fabric of the new uniform felt smoother than the one I had taken off. Noriko’s polite smile returned to her face, cold eyes still piercing, but she asked no questions.

“How does it feel?” Her business tone came back.

“It is loose in the shoulders.” I could feel it slipping too far, pants a little long as well. She nodded and pulled out a box of small pins.

She worked efficiently, professionally. She had the touch of experience more so than any other I had gone to, I felt the no pricks and it was finished in half the time.

“All done. Just undress and leave it here, I’ll go get Shikaku to pay.” She glided from the room before I could make a move or sound… maybe I made her uncomfortable?

It only took a minute before I was standing outside the dressing room. I found Nara-sama talking to Noriko softly, but she did look insistent about something. I didn’t want to interrupt… the continued for a few more minutes before the conversation ending… neither looking happy with the other.

I found my way to Nara-sama’s side without a word.

“Well, I don’t think there is anything else we really need. You won’t be going on any long missions yet so no need to go looking for that.” We exited the store to the loud noise of the market… you don’t really notice how silent it is in there until you leave. “Yoshino can pick up your clothes when she’s done with shopping as well. Do you use any special weapons that we need to get?”

“No.” I had never been a weapons expert. I better taijutsu or genjutsu more than anything else, when I was on missions there usually wasn’t a good place to hide many weapons.

“We have a stock pile of the common weapons in the compound so there is no need for that. What to do with the rest of…”

He might have continued speaking, but I couldn’t hear him. The tingle of familiar chakra was an itch, I could feel it close by. I knew him… better than most in ROOT I knew him.

We turned a corner and there we were, standing in front of the Yamanaka flower shop. A few large tables lay in front of the shop covered in pots, flowers of all different shapes and colors, and walking through it all… Kinoto.

Kinoto looked straight at me… and he didn’t recognize me… I tried to ignore the sudden sharp pain in my chest. We all knew each other… there weren’t that many of us… he had destroyed both Amaya and myself in spars multiple times… he had been a handler on my missions. He had delivered punishments on Danzo-sama’s command many times… a bloody and bruised head severed from its body with a cut of a sword.

He was an enforcer… yet… he had given out extra blankets on cold nights and sleep with a pile of younger kids every time we couldn’t weren’t allowed a fire… we had been together a long time… all of my life I could remember him in some way… always around…

He was smiling at a customer… I had never seen him smile before… there was a hand on my shoulder…

He didn’t recognize me… why didn’t he recognize me?


	7. Memories

Someone was shaking my shoulder… it was cold in the cells… just me and Amaya shivering in a corner with two blankets wrapped as tightly as we could… trying to avoid the freezing walls…

No fire… Danzo-sama had made sure of that… ROOT agents should be able to survive all types of weather… he radiated warmth with every step he took… he laid a hand on Amaya’s head as he passed… why not me… why never me? What little warmth he had granted her was gone now… I stole it… I should have just stayed on my side of the room. Was someone calling my name?

Amaya shook more than me… wrapped in each other’s arms…

We had just gotten back from Iwa… Amaya still had a bloody lip and black eye… my lower back hurt… everything hurt, but especially my lower back. I knew the mark that lay there was a bright red barely scabbed over… they had reapplied it as punishment.

Kinoto… smiling… not smiling… had pushed open the door. He had motioned to us, but neither of us could move much… I crawled the meager warmth of the blankets with a shiver and motioned for his help. He had carried Amaya with him… guiding me along to another room.

The pile of shivering bodies filled the room… Kinoto’s room. Blankets covered the floors… he had moved easily between bodies… He tucked Amaya into the center of the room with me on her side. The larger boys surrounded the edges, buffered by blankets against the cold stone. It was the first time I had met most of them… but no one had the energy for introductions… keep your warmth and energy… we all had training tomorrow.

What was that smell?

Danzo-sama didn’t punish Kinoto for it… even though he wasn’t happy… you had to be able to trust your allies… he had said something about building relationships between agents… I couldn’t concentrate on it though… the cold still seeped into my bones.

It hadn’t smelled like this though… a sharp smell… like…

I shoot awake, head pounding. It was warm… the sunlight shown through the open window… a breeze carried the sweet scent of blooming flowers. The bed was soft. A gentle floral pattern covered the sheets… where was I?

My head turned to the side… large chakra cores… adults… familiar… Nara-sama and Yamanaka-sama stood off to the side of the bed looking worried. I… was supposed to trust them, but… Kinoto… they did something to him.

I moved before either of them could think to stop me, feet easily finding the windowsill… they shouldn’t have left it open… I could find him… and... and what?

I froze, my muscles paralyzed unnaturally… my head turned to the side and looked at the ground, my shadow stretched back, attached to Nara-sama. He took a step back, forcing my body off the windowsill. They moved quickly… in sync… they were old teammates and friends… I wouldn’t be able to escape.

Before I knew what had happened I was downstairs sitting in a kitchen chair. My shadow was tied to Nara-samas, paralyzing me in my seat.

“Shizu-chan, allow me to explain.” Yamanaka Inoichi was the head of the Interrogation and Intelligence divisions, easy to underestimate with a simple appearance, but he could get into your head… literally. Danzo-sama had never allowed any of us close contact with the Yamanakas, too dangerous, I couldn’t trust them… he could… the file was suspiciously blank at this part, but he only did it on enemies of Konoha… enemies… did he think Kinoto was an enemy? No… none of us were enemies… we were the roots… invisible and necessary.

“Please, Shizu.” Nara-sama’s voice was low… he wasn’t slouching… his eyes were sharp, piercing me. I didn’t have a choice… they were trusted by the Hokage… they could do anything they wanted with me… what they did to Kinoto.

“Kinoto-kun, as you know him no longer exists. I had no idea you would be shopping today, otherwise I would have kept him away until you were comfortable with the situation.” He sighed and stayed silent for a moment. “It’s hard to explain to someone who is not a Yamanaka, who doesn’t have experience with the minds of others.” He paused again… frustration.

“Hokage-sama, Minato, he didn’t want to kill any ROOT agents that we were able to capture.” Nara-sama cut into Inoichi’s speech. “You are mostly all too young to be shinobi in the regular ranks, but too experienced to let run free in the village and that’s ignoring any lingering loyalty you might have to Danzo. Inoichi decided that handlers would be an acceptable compromise. Allow the ROOT operatives to rejoin the village ranks with an outlet and a safety net to catch anyone who could go rogue.”

“There was one exception.” Yamanaka looked tired. “There were some who were… too far gone. They trusted Danzo-sama completely, they felt without purpose without him. They would not have survived easy transition into the village. Most would have killed themselves the second Danzo was gone, but we… I couldn’t allow that.” He pulled a teacup out of the cupboard with a shaking hand. “No one in the Yamanaka clan uses our jutsus lightly, we are all extremely aware of the dangers of messing with the mind. This was the first time many used a jutsu on a Konoha resident… or a child who just didn’t know any better.”

Yamanaka pulled out another two cups and placed them on the table. He grabbed the kettle off the stove.

“It was not a decision reached lightly.” Nara-sama grabbed a cup of tea and drank a sip. “But there were no other acceptable options.”

“We removed all memories of their time with Danzo. Everything that might even slightly be related was removed… and along with it all memories of other agents or their own skills. They will never be shinobi again.” Inoichi held his cup, but didn’t drink from it.

I… I didn’t know what to say… what to do… Kinoto never a shinobi again… he was… I didn’t want him to die… was this really better?

Kinoto was smiling… he was smiling at a customer… is this what he would have been without Danzo… the ability to smile and laugh and mean it… emotions were no detriment to a civilian… would Amaya be like that… would I be?


End file.
